Words can kill, so i chose to remain silent.

Been having terrible mood swings. Handed in my draft thesis on Friday and thought that i would be relieved and could go out and have some fun. Well i did went out to meet some old friends from A-levels whom i haven't seen for quite some time. Somehow things didn't go as expected. While they were arguing on whom's fault is it, i couldn't help but blame myself for assuming things. A square and circle just won't fit together and i should have realize that earlier and not think that it was going to be okay.

Today isn't any better. I felt restricted. Felt as if my presence is stopping the world from revolving. Felt as if i am a nuisance. Like it would be better without me. I hate living in such conditions. Everything is restricted. Like being in a cage.

You said that it don't matter whether both of you are present or not, we won't even notice. Would i not notice you with your smell flooding the whole house? Did you think i won't mind it? I have been patient regarding this matter for so long, but it's starting to get on my nerves lately. I think of my future. I think of whether i could live such days for the next 20, 30 years. I want to tell you in the face one day, " I have it enough. I can't stand this anymore. You are why i am leaving. Blame yourself for the grief of others. " I want to do it so badly. One day i just might. But i tell myself. How many out there who doesn't. Do i really want to be restricted by such matters? People will leave one day. Could i not just wait? But no. I don't want to think so. This hurts people. I feel discontented.

Blame it on the hormones. The mood swings. Lack of sleep. Whatever. But right now, i just want to get this all out.

I am not contented.